Oriental Medicine (Han-yak)

Korea's pretty big about oriental medicine. There are large hospitals which are largely dedicated to the practice and getting a license to be an oriental pharmacist takes a lot of effort and time.

Here's the official line: Oriental medicine is an effective way of countering illnesses. It doesn't work instantly like Western medicine, but it works for the long term and fixes the problem rather than just attack the symptom itself.

The truth: It doesn't work.

Let me tell you about my experiences with oriental medicine. I used to have a lot of issues with my stomach. For some reason it would act up quite often and it was being a serious problem. I was advised to go get some treatment through oriental medicine. So I went to the store, got that stuff... tried it for a long time and it didn't do a damned thing. All it did was taste bad. I went to regular hospitals and they didn't know either until one doctor recommended that I get an IV stuck in my arm for two days while fasting. Guess what? That fixed the problem.
Something as trivial as not eating or drinking for two days was the answer. The oriental medicine, didn't do a damned thing. Truth is, it never does anything beyond the effects of a placebo.


Scandalous, rip off, and an overall shitload of fuck.

So when a Korean guide or friend or perhaps a converted haiku writing penis pumper from California tries to tell you about the wonders of Oriental herbal medicine, ignore them. Punch them in the mouth if you can get away from it, but I can't recommend it here or else someone's actually going to do it, go to jail and then quote me, which will get me in trouble with the authorities. The authorities hate me enough already.

Let's look at some of the most common bullshit regarding Oriental medicine:
- It prevents cancer: The next asshole to try to sell me one saying this will get sued. No. I'll just buy a bunch of his stash, smoke a hundred packs of cigarettes, get cancer and get a lawyer. I'll sue the bastard down to his underwear.
- It is not instant, it works for the long term: Well what the hell do you mean? I'm supposed to KEEP taking this stuff forever? Oh, I get it. I take it until my natural body processes deal with it. What a way to bullshit people into buying a bunch of boiled wood.
- It's close to nature and in harmony with peace: Hey, remember those acupuncture charts?


Guess how the Chinese figured these out? In ancient times, when life was good and people were innocent, the Chinese got guys from death row and had them cut open alive. You see, those energy connections would die if the subject died and therefore had to be kept alive during the whole cutting up process. It's like how if you pinch a frog somewhere a limb moves and stuff. Except with people. And that's how acupuncture charts came about. Actually this might be the only part of Oriental medicine that may have some merit. Then again, you never know which ones are true and which ones they made up. Did you know that if you pinch the front edge of your ribcage about 1/3 from the bottom real hard the elbow on the same side of your body feels a reaction? But the harmonious part is seriously and dangerously bullshit.
Helps circulate blood: An old time Korean favorite. I guess it's not technically a lie because by drinking this you will instantly get red in the face trying to barf it out. Yeah, I'd say it circulates blood. But very, very misleading...

If you come to this side of the world, a lot of tours cover a part of traditional medicine, especially if the area you're visiting either has a market that is known for it, or if there's a place that grows the ingredients (like tours you take on Jeju island). It's all bullshit. It deserves no respect. It's not closer to earth and nature... if you rely on it you will join the earth and nature earlier than expected.
Chinese emperors often searched for eternal life. The Chinese doctors looked for ways to achieve this but emperors who went for it ended up dying early. The reason was because every time they made a new brew, mercury was always included. If you think about that, it makes you wonder if you want to take this stuff at all. Actually, I think the only way it "works" is that it tastes so disgusting that you will will yourself into getting healed a day faster so you don't have to take that crap anymore.